A new academic year brings forth new possibilities, faces, and experiences. This is especially true for those beginning their time at the University in an unfamiliar city and living in a dorm miles away from home.

For some, this big change fosters feelings of excitement and anticipation. For others, changes like these may arouse feelings of anxiety, which may allow for fears and doubts to surface.

After a few years of living in the capital, I’ve grown accustomed to city life. But with the start of the academic year bringing in a batch of fresh faces, ready to begin their journey and settle into a life in the city, I can’t help but feel nostalgic as I remember my time moving into the city and experiencing everything it had to offer.

Looking back on my memories of being a freshman in college—having just moved into a dorm hours away from home, I felt the same feelings many are probably experiencing—excitement, anxiety, fear, eagerness, and more. Watching these new faces brimming with various emotions, I am reminded of how I felt settling into my new home away from home.

That first step away from home

(Screenshot from Friends (1994-2004))

One often dreams of life after high school. It is common for most youth to romanticize the life they wish to lead in college. From stepping out of our comfort zones, making friends, and running for Latin honors, college opens doors to self-discovery, friendships, and opportunities for learning.

At that point, we are one step closer to adulthood, with some being encouraged to leave the nest and pursue their studies further away from home.

In my case, studying in Manila is something I’ve always wanted to do. Growing up in the province, I was like many other bright-eyed and eager dreamers ready to leave and make it out on my own.

As such, moving into a dorm near the University was expected. Despite being hours away from family, I felt excited to finally live the life I had spent so long dreaming of and romanticizing. After all, this was a chance for me to really experience life as an adult. I thought that by living independently, I could prove to myself and others that I am capable of “adulting.” And while living alone in a dorm is something most people can do, I felt proud of myself for living an independent life.

For a while, I held it together. I prepared my food, cleaned up around the room, did my own shopping, traveled around the city, and even managed a system of paying my monthly bills without a guardian present. I did these while attending my classes and participating in extracurricular activities.

All of this proved I was competent and responsible; that I can balance so many things at once and live on my own far from family. The “independent life” I had long romanticized had, at last, become the life I was living.

A sudden reality check

(Screenshot from Blade Runner 2049)

After some time, the spark faded, the flame gave way to a flickering light, and I realized the life I had idealized is not as glamorous as I once thought.

In the thick of being swamped with numerous deadlines and commitments in college, I felt a harrowing loneliness and homesickness engulf me. I missed my family. I wanted to be home. I wished to leave the place I had been dreaming of and crawl back into the warmth of my childhood bed, away from the duties of being a student and the emptiness of living alone in my dorm.

I was so caught up in the fantasy of it all that I was unprepared for the challenges awaiting in this new chapter of my life. And once I began to feel the pressure of reality hit, I began to wonder: Was I as established and capable as I had pictured myself to be? And was the adult life I had waited so patiently to live was worth all the downsides it brought?

I realized how scary and anxiety-inducing living all on my own was. I had no one to depend on but myself, and with family hours away, I had no choice but to handle things alone.

For instance, each time I caught a fever, the only thing I could do was take medicine and lie in bed, waiting for it to pass. When school got too heavy, I still stayed seated at my desk, quietly working through each assignment as the hours passed. Even on nights I couldn’t handle the stress and pressure, the only person I relied on to get through was myself, with nothing but the voices of my loved ones comforting me through a phone screen.

Yes, I was independent, but I was alone and longed for the place I left to pursue my dreams.

Thankfully, I managed a system that allowed me to cope with how I felt while simultaneously remaining productive. For one, cleaning up the dorm helped me feel less like my life was a mess and allowed me the room I needed to breathe. Making a list of all the things I needed to do and selecting a day for me to accomplish them also helped me with staying organized.

Continuing on forward

(Screenshot from The Perks of Being a Wallflower)

Seeing all these bright-eyed faces around me settling into their respective dorms and gearing up for college life filled me with the emotions I felt navigating through unfamiliar territory.

This new life is difficult, but while in my case the elation did not last, I guarantee the sadness won’t stay either. It took a while, but I found my footing—toeing between living the college life I romanticized and keeping a level head, making sure I stay connected to reality.

While this chapter brought disappointment at times, it never failed to bring me moments of joy too. Moving here led me to flourish and realize what I was capable of. Moreover, the experiences of studying and living so far away from home shaped me into the person I am today. The hardships I faced and the achievements I attained all alone molded me into someone more brave, more ready to take risks, and more willing to step out into the unknown—something I am eternally grateful for.

For those out there still struggling to adjust and find a balance, don’t worry; you’ll make it. It’s all about finding a rhythm and a pattern that works for you. Expect to be disappointed at times, because not everything will work out exactly as we expect it to, but sometimes even the unexpected can turn out for the better. I know, in some cases, it did.

I struggled the way many do now and will in the future. But now, years later, I’ve learned, I’ve conquered, and I’ve adjusted. Nothing is permanent, which is simultaneously both comforting and frightening, but if we remain optimistic about our situation while acknowledging the reality that nothing about it is perfect, then we’ll survive.

Things always get better. Adult life is scary. Stepping out alone into the unknown is scary. Leaving the familiarity of home is scary. Living on your own is scary. However, like most things, we can overcome these.

No matter the difficulties, no matter the anxiety, we have to keep going. The path of life doesn’t end at college. In fact, the journey is just getting started.