Four years ago, I promised to be “chill” in college.

I wanted to suppress my overachieving, perfectionist self and to only settle in doing what I can do without exerting that much effort. I made this pact to myself after too many unfortunate events during the limbo that is the height of the pandemic.

On top of breaking a consistent record of being the second best student in high school, I had other problems on my plate. My rejection and ineligibility for scholarships made me feel small and a huge financial burden to my family. Adding to that, the arguments my siblings and I had with our father happened frequently which eventually got us kicked out of our own house.

I secluded myself in the confines of what was comfortable. Walls were built, doors were closed, and the fire within me dimmed. All of these turned me into an unfeeling mess. And so, I decided to just… rest.

Five semesters of online learning went by in a flash. Instead of putting actual effort, my motivation in finishing my academic responsibilities was out of my fear of disappointing my peers. My repulsion and rage towards incompetency, irrationality, and injustice took over my emotions a lot of times. And yet, no tears were shed even when I was at my lowest or when I felt extremely happy.

There came a time when I couldn’t solve a coding problem despite many attempts. Out of desperation, I asked for help from someone I deemed to be one of the best in programming in our class. It was the very first time that I asked for help from a friend in anything related to academics. It was only until then that I learned to trust and rely on people, that it also brings them joy to be of help to those in need, and that it also inspires you to improve and move forward.

It is indeed in the darkest of times when the light shines the brightest.

On the other hand, working late and exchanging ideas with orgmates together on one Figma file made me elated. From this, I’ve learned that working with individuals who are deeply passionate with their field inspires you to do your best too.

And thus, it was after spending more than half of my college years that I got to realize that I get to feel a myriad of emotions again.

In my junior year, I got to see in real life the people behind outdated profile pictures from our online classes. The moment I stepped into a classroom in Frassati for the first time, I unseemingly felt a wave of nostalgia.

Seeing others do their best and enjoy giving presentations inspired me to do so as well. Having tough conversations with my thesis groupmates taught me that there are different perspectives in every situation. Working with determined and passionate individuals on academic and extracurricular undertakings reignited the light I had that I thought was dead.

Because of my friends, there are sides of me I never thought would come into being. I became that person who finally sought adventure and found thrill with the unfamiliar. Finding new things was more special, especially when I’m with friends. They did not dare break my walls, rather, they respected why I had those defenses and climbed their way up to get past them. The result? I now became an open book: far from the full-of-secret persona I had before getting into college.

The “know-it-all” student who preferred going solo finally rekindled the light.

Today, community is no longer a hindrance for me—it kept me alive. Today, I appreciate working with people and exploring areas I have not delved into before. Tomorrow, I’m braver and more prepared to face what is ahead.

Now that I’ll be leaving the university, these people came to mind: they helped me heal and reminded me that I am alive. Because of them, I was no longer the person with walls. I’m now untied from a whimsical vow made after a heartbreak. Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, it feels like I’m reborn.

(Danial Dale Santos, outgoing Chief Technology Officer)

To Mama, Kuya Rebs, Ate Cha, and Ate Jam, thank you for your support and hard work to let me continue my college studies. If it weren’t for your sacrifices, I wouldn’t have been able to meet all these incredible people who reshaped me.

To TomasinoWeb, I’ll always choose to be with you. I’ve always loved how fearless and creative you approached journalism. Remain steadfast and true to your identity.

To Web Technologies, thank you for making me realize that I have what it takes to be once again doing campus journalism work. I was not the best Chief Technology Officer, but it was worth it to take up the mantle and lead the department for a year. I’m really proud of what we have achieved for the whole Thomasian community and campus journalism.

To JC and Brin, both of you molded me into the person I am today. I’m honored to have worked with great leaders who knew what they were doing. It was thanks to your passion, innovation, and dedication that I knew I was in the right place to show my efforts as well.

To my thesis mates, Rey, Ben, and Red, you guys never got tired of me and we continued to be each other's support. I’ll always root for you all!

To 4CSB, thank you for being my home where I’m free to be myself. I never would have thought that after years of keeping my guard up, my last year at UST would be so full of love.

To Maya, Jennard, Ero, Mansee, R-vhin, Ace and the rest of my closest friends, my college years would have been so dull if not with you. We may have been together physically for only a year but I'm glad that it didn’t stop us from making it worth it and memorable. I’m excited to see how we will all fare well in the next few years.

To Robert, I can’t express enough how grateful I am to have you as one of my best friends since freshman year. You shone brightly and it made me want to as well. I’ll always be here to support you even in making noot noot noises.

And to the 18 year old self, you might feel empty sometimes but know that you’re allowed to feel all those sentiments that you’re bottling up. Now that you’re graduating, I hope that you continue to be surrounded by warm people all throughout the next chapter of your life.

So I guess, the promise I made years ago did not age well at all. My four-year journey has taught me that although my previous achievements and identity fell off, being with the right people can rekindle my flame and reshape me into a better version of myself. Thank you, UST, for leading me to these people who have thawed my frozen heart.

All promises should be kept, but I’m glad that this chillingly volatile one I made wasn’t fulfilled. It wasn’t easy and it felt like I'd been robbed of time and precious memories because of it.

If you asked me now if I had the chance to turn back time to recreate and keep that vow, I’d most likely say, “I’ll be better this time around.”