Computer science students are expected to finish their undergraduate degree in four years—an expectation I failed to meet. However, it did not stop me from crossing the Arch of the Centuries in last year's Baccalaureate Mass.
Yes, you've heard it right. I crossed the monumental arch on a non-graduating year.
Hindi ba ako takot ma-debar? Hindi ba ako natatakot na ma-extend lalo yung stay ko? Bakit hindi? Pakunswelo ko na lang 'to sa sarili ko dahil madedelay din naman ako kahit hindi ako tumawid diyan. Siyempre, gusto ko din makasama yung mga kaibigan ko sa paglabas ko sa arch, kahit hindi pa 'yun yung "official" bacc-mass para sakin.
I felt so sorry for myself. I considered myself a failure because I couldn't give my best on an undergraduate program that I am not fully interested with. At some point, I thought that my father's resources were wasted on someone who can't excel academically. I barely survived every semester. I neglected every opportunity to shift into another program because I was scared of going back to square one.
Of course, I forced myself to adapt—I wouldn't last five years in the University if I didn't have the motivation to finish my degree just for the sake of "finishing". The thought of barely passing each major subject is too much for me to handle. I can recall computing my grades instead of solving discrete math problems on a Finals exam, just to make sure that I can make it through the cut-off.
I decided to join University-wide organizations during my sophomore year because I thought that exposure to different Thomasians might help me find myself in the process. When I joined TomasinoWeb, I wasn't sure how I'll fare within the organization. I wasn't sure how I would fit within the organization's standards, either.
Halfway through my journey in the University, my sanity began to collapse. I committed irreversible mistakes. At the same time, my academic and extracurricular workload continued to increase.
I started to question my position in the campus. Student-leadership began to inflict more harm than good. There are also people who took pleasure in lambasting my character and personality. I was called irrational due to the progressive beliefs I uphold. I was called a "novice" who wanted an iron grip in the highest room. Furthermore, holding a leadership position as an irregular student had my opinions debunked right away.
In a room full of academically decorated student achievers and leaders, how do I even fare?
Rabin Bote, outgoing President
Despite all of these, I persisted to serve and survive. I realized that my struggles as a student is maneuvered by an invisible wheel steered by systemic oppression. If I fail to challenge dominant narratives, then what purpose would I even serve? I do not aspire to be a walking accolade—I want to be part of the collective that changes the society for its betterment. TomasinoWeb is a part of that collective, and I hope they continue in doing so.
Giving up the Tan Yan Kee Student Center Building as my second home in the University sounds easy, but I simply can't. Through TomasinoWeb, my orgmates and I were able to stand for the truth despite the risks. Hindi ako mapakali na manahimik sa sulok habang may kapwa-estudyante akong inaapi ng sistema. Kahit sa TomWeb man lang, maging boses kami mga para sa nakararami. Ika nga, kapag namulat ka na sa katotohanan, kasalanan na ang pumikit.
However, just like my journey in college, this article has to end.
I would like to express my utmost gratitude to all of my blockmates since first year. Finally, I can catch up with conversations filled with corporate slang and employment woes. Of course, I would also like to thank all of my close friends for staying despite my lapses as a friend. You know who you guys are.
To my college instructors and professors, thank you for your effort in educating me and my blockmates. Don't worry, I'll do my best to be less of a headache in the near future.
I would like to thank UST Computer Science Society for introducing me to the University and to the "org-life". Although I did not pursue any executive board position in CSS, I remain indebted to the organization for its contribution to my overall growth.
I am grateful for my tenure as the corporate secretary of the Student Organizations Coordinating Council. I hope you can forgive me for being conflicted all the time.
To TomasinoWeb Core 10 and 11, thank you for bearing with me. I have learned a lot in my first two years of officership in the organization. Without the guidance of Julius Renomeron Jr. and Erica Ang, I could've been worse than that Rabin who accidentally deleted the organization's alumni database.
To TomasinoWeb Core 12, thank you for a year of spontaneous meetings and last-minute decisions. For those who chose to step up as core officers for the next academic year, I am optimistic that you can surpass what my term has achieved. I hope you guys can continue being beacons of truth and justice inside and outside the University.
To my father and my sister, thank you for supporting me in my five-year stay in the University. You are the cornerstone of my struggle. Your love and guidance helped me achieve what I have right now.
I have lost a lot in my stay at the University. I have nothing to lose but my undergraduate status.