After waking from the confines of the sofa bed, Alexandra Perez sets up her laptop on the kitchen table, checking if her audio and video are working. It’s 5 a.m in Dubai, but in the Philippines, it’s already 9 a.m.
The first Zoom class is about to start in an hour.
Other than the four-hour time difference, Perez’s problem is not just the lack of personal space or the two nephews that might wake up at any moment. It is the fact that she can’t go back home, not even on the days of her awaited baccalaureate mass and graduation.
Hard decisions
The Baccalaureate Mass marks the end of a Thomasian’s journey. However, Perez can not go through the Arch of the Centuries in person.
Perez is a graduating student pursuing Creative Writing at the Faculty of Arts and Letters, but she is 7000 km away from home.
“There were only two options: either go home to the Philippines to attend the graduation and to stay there permanently or stay here in Dubai and pursue a career here,” she told TomasinoWeb.
Deciding to stay was not easy. In fact, it caused Perez great anxiety. Her future was at stake here—if she left Dubai, she would not be able to come back. Luckily, her family was more than willing to support her.
“I guess with the help of people din who affirmed me in my decision to stay here, it really helped me gain a better headspace or mas natulungan ako sa thought process ko,” she said.
A world away
She was supposed to stay for three months, but it extended to a whole year.
“It was all of a sudden, dapat yung mother ko lang yung pupunta ng Dubai, but thinking about the circumstances, iniisip namin na pwede na din ako sumama para mag-alaga ng mga nephews ko dito,” Perez said.
Being with her nephews changed her perspective on the world, saying that she got closer to her family when she stayed in Dubai.
Though she was a lot calmer, one could hear the longing in her voice with every word hidden in polite chatter. UST was more than an academic institution—it was home. A home she wouldn’t be able to come back to.
“Ngayon ko mas narealize na hindi talaga siya madali, yung being far away from your homeland,” she said.
“So ayun, homesickness, and yung nostalgia, over things changing in the Philippines while I’m still here,” the aspiring writer added.
“I remember asking one of our counselors in UST on how to manage my emotions,” she recalled the counselor saying that, though graduation is a momentous occasion, it’s still just a ceremony.
Change, though inevitable, feels worse when alone, and Perez experienced it firsthand.
“Parang ‘yon lang sinabi niya sa akin which really helped. But siyempre hindi maalis yung lungkot, kasi ayun nga, momentous occasion nga siya tsaka ang tagal ko na hindi nakikita yung mga kaibigan ko and yung block of course,” she said.
The most anticipated Recessional March, held after the mass, is the time when graduates will line up to “exit” through the historic Arch of the Centuries. The two-day ceremony held on June 3 and 4 was the first since the COVID-19 pandemic began, hosting the batches of 2020, 2021, and Perez’s batch, 2022.
On June 3, Perez posted an Instagram story about her watching the Baccalaureate Mass livestream thousands of kilometers away. She lit her own candle during the Ceremony of Light.
Perez lights her own candle all the way from Dubai as she watches the live stream of her awaited baccalaureate mass. (Photo from Alexandra Perez).
Peace without regrets
Despite this, she still believes she had a great UST experience.
“I guess UST and 4CW taught me to not navel-gaze, to really see people and the world around me on a grander scale. I know na medyo lofty ng thought. Pero, I think I wouldn’t have had it in another way kasi it really taught me to continue on a scale na hindi ko alam na kakayanin ko pa lang magpatuloy.” Perez said.
Despite the “insurmountable challenges” that went by, she said it was worth it.
She recalled with fond laughter that she was supposed to shift to a different course during her sophomore year. But after a while, she eventually realized that she was in the right place.
“I enjoyed the journey nonetheless. Ang daming missed [opportunities]. But we’re here, we’re about to finish,” she said.
Along with the support of her family and friends, what pushes her to continue and push forward is her connection with Christ.
“Super important sa akin nung spirituality or yung relationship ko to the Lord. Siguro isa ‘yon sa mga bagay na really kept me in moving forward,” Perez said.
Future endeavors
“Actually, I’m one of the graduates na wala pa ring clear na path. So ngayon, ang alam ko lang, I’ll just look at any job that will accept me. Pero wala pa akong step A, step B, and so on and so forth,” she said
There were no long-term plans, just short-term goals. Perez said, “Alam ko lang na, in my mind right now, I just have to look for that job, whatever that is.”
Perez is currently a fellow at the 19th Ateneo National Writers Workshop, which will be held virtually for the entire month of June and the first week of July this year.
Her message to herself is, “I don’t usually say this, but I laud you, self, for making it,” tapping her shoulder afterward.
Graduating as a Magna Cum Laude, the aspiring writer belongs to the University’s pioneer batch of the Creative Writing program.
With her block’s incoming Solemn Investitures this June 11, Perez said her family planned an outing at a hotel “to curb the sadness of not attending the ceremony itself.”
There are two quotes that she remembers dearly from one of her professors, Assoc. Prof. Chuckberry J. Pascual. Perez remembers this quote well: “Just stay the course. No need to rush, no need to compete.”
The 23-year-old quoted him saying, “Huwag tuldukan ang buhay. It will get better, promise.”
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