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Tayo Muna Habang Hindi Pa Tayo: An Endless Cycle

Falling in love in this generation is like using a trial and error method that gets you nowhere. In the emergence of dating apps such as Tinder and Bumble and websites like Omegle, finding a prospective partner has become fairly easy but also quick to lose.

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Screengrab from Tayo Muna Habang Hindi Pa Tayo official trailer

Labels. There is a silent debate going on about whether labels are important or a factor for complications. Though there is a need to define relationships to know where to draw the line between friends and lovers, it is often terrifying to know what the truth really is. The word ‘commitment’ may seem an intimidating word for some, but it is also loved by many. 

Tayo Muna Habang Hindi Pa Tayo is one of the entries for the Cinema One Originals 2019. Written and directed by Denise O’Hara, who won an award for Best Director in this year’s Gawad Urian for a movie called Mamang, a film about dementia and the struggles of remembering one’s life. 

The film festival ran from November 7 until November 17 in selected malls and microcinemas. Starring Jane Oineza and JC Santos as Alex and Carlo, the story portrays the characters’ struggle in the process of falling in love, falling out, being confused, and being sure at the same time. 

Falling in love in this generation is like using a trial and error method that gets you nowhere. In the emergence of dating apps such as Tinder and Bumble and websites like Omegle, finding a prospective partner has become fairly easy but also quick to lose. 

Alex, played by Jane Oineza, is a woman with big dreams and ambitions, eager to prove to the world that she is more than just a pretty face. Carlo, played by JC Santos, on the other hand, is your typical go-with-the-flow kind of guy who works in the field of graphic design and freelance work. The story progresses as the two create something that neither of them knows what is and what to call. 

By slowly cracking her shell and breaking down her walls, Carlo manages to see the parts of Alex that no one really sees. Underneath her cold gazes and intimidating aura, lies a sappy and marupok girl. One night, after planning and talking about the design for Alex’s upcoming project, a cockroach scare prompts a rush to the bedroom; ensuing a somewhat emotional conversation that turns the atmosphere into purple and red hazes. 

After that night, awkwardness sits between them in the office. Alex, trying to figure out what happened, asks Carlo directly; as to his reply, along with the words “Masaya pa rin naman ‘diba?” creates a questionable feeling both to the characters and the audience. 

Stemming from the title itself, the movie—from start to finish—draws a problematic and complicated cycle that reflects dating and almost-dating. The dialogues lacked a bit of emotional appeal and the concreteness of thought cannot be easily grasped. The movie has a back and forth sequence, showing the past and the present, how the moments came to be, what arguments were thrown out to get to the scene where they chase each other in the sidewalk with pain and hesitation in their eyes. 

Cinematography-wise, the color palette of the film shifts along with the emotion that is being presented on the screen, making up for the lack of substance in the exchange of dialogues. It is a mess, paralleling to Alex and Carlos’ relationship, the shaky camera angles and the abrupt shift from one scene to another provides support in pulling off the movie’s complicated narrative. It could have had more backstory and fewer gaps in the storyline but it somehow works as it leaves you hanging and still questioning what happened. It keeps you in the cycle even though you have stepped out of the cinema already. 

Filled with contradictions and trouble waiting to happen, O’Hara’s work garners attention from those who are in the same position. The film dwells on complex-minded characters, pretty much like our generation, and their decisions on whether they should leave or keep fighting for something that is vague. It is a ticking time bomb of tears and regret or maybe, just maybe, something magical and worthwhile. 

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The Scent of Force

It was just an ordinary night and I was home away from home.

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Artwork by Fernardine Hernandez

EDITOR’S NOTE: This article contains sensitive content which some people may find triggering. The author’s name will be hidden for confidentiality. 

It was just an ordinary night and I was home away from home. After dinner, I was tasked to deliver a document downstairs. Familiarity, the echoing of my every step on the tiled floors, and the sense of security filled the hallways. I am safe because I am home. I pressed the elevator button going down while I clutched the brown envelope on my chest. 

There was another person inside, standing at the farthest left. The elevator was quite spacious, on a busy day, it could fit six up to nine people. My feet began to move. Elevators don’t have signals inside so I decided not to use my phone but instead, look straight, not at anything, but to only look straight. 

His perfume lingered every inch of the four corners of the elevator. I tried not to crinkle my nose for he might mistake my sensitivity for disrespect and until he spoke, there was only silence. He attempted to break the silence by saying “Normally, compliments make me a tad awkward but his words made me clench my jaw. I was told that I had beauty in me and that he liked my eyes. In fear, I took in his words like nothing just to kill the conversation. 

The elevator ride became much longer until the doors finally opened. As soon as it opened, I walked out and took a whiff of the sleeves of my sweater which made me crinkle my nose. I didn’t care if he saw me, I knew I was already a few feet away from him. He went inside the convenience store which made me relax my shoulders. The delivery service wasn’t there yet so I waited. 

While I was browsing my phone, a figure stood right beside me. My jaw clenched and my palms became cold. 

“Maybe he is waiting for something too.” 

I assured myself to keep my mind clear and balanced with my emotions. Using my phone, I pretended to talk to someone and make me look as if I’m busy but that didn’t stop him from asking questions. 

“Maybe he’s trying to become a nice building neighbor.” 

I assured myself again. He kept asking if I lived there, but I didn’t, I was only visiting my uncles. That’s a fact. His expression looked as if he was doubting me. He asked how old I was. I answered seventeen when in reality, I was nineteen. It was a lie but red alarms keep going off in my head. The advice of the women in my life kept ringing in my ears, “Just be polite, and eventually, they’ll leave.” No questions escaped from my lips, only answers. 

“Where do you study?” I answered, “Manila.”

“So, where do you live?” I repeated my response. 

“Do you have a boyfriend?” I answered yes even though it was a lie. 

“Really?” He was in doubt again.

“What is your name?” I nervously chuckled in response. 

“Do you want to go to my unit?” 

Finally, the delivery service arrived. I blinked twice to jolt me back to my senses. After handling the envelope, I started to walk only to be approached by the same man again. He asked me if I was available. I said no. He asked again and insisted that we go upstairs and go to his unit. I shook my head. 

Numbness took over me as he suddenly hugged me and kissed my temple. His scent made me crinkle my nose. At his touch, my body felt like it was not mine anymore. At his grip, I wanted to cry. At his release, I felt weak. The proximity and the gesture weren’t called for. I know for a fact that he wouldn’t not care if I refused and he had the audacity to act as if he owned me. I was frozen for a moment that felt like an eon. 

His scent was on my body, clothes, and skin. As I went back inside the building and entered the elevator, I was alone. There was nothing. I rushed to the bathroom and  broke down in tears. I turned on the faucet and scrubbed as hard as I can to get rid of his touch until my skin became irritated. All I felt was the ice-cold water splashing on the burns of my arms. I looked down on the bathroom floor. Trembling at the fear that history might repeat itself. This was not an ordinary night.

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The truth about online classes told by a struggling Thomasian

“I can’t do anything but comply with what the institution demands because I’m afraid to be left out.”

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Artwork by Patricia Jardin

When technology becomes a hallmark for the future, it can be difficult to imagine a life where it wasn’t used to encompass much of our everyday activities. Then again, we knew a childhood with sparse technological influences, but all the same, we grew up at a time technology was becoming revolutionized—which makes us, to some extent, caught in the middle. And this is why it puts us in such a difficult position, because until now we live in a desperate attempt to try and bridge the gap between face-to-face and digital learning.

It becomes especially difficult at a time when some of us live in apprehension and some are mourning. When survival should be first and foremost prioritized, the need for productivity counteracts it in the most perfect example: online-based instruction.

The costs of online learning

“I can barely access any online classes due to internet speed. And I wish I can keep up, but I simply can’t,” Cecilio “Josh” Malang, an Asian Studies freshman, shared in an interview with TomasinoWeb.

With the COVID-19 pandemic and resumption of online classes co-occurring, students are compelled to follow through alongside complications in connection, inaccessibility of digital-based media, inconducive learning environments, and mental health issues.

“Whenever there is a scheduled online class, I consult the president of our class and inform her that I won’t be able to attend, and she orients our professors about it. Luckily, my classmates summarize the discussions for me,” although this put him in a tough position in part because intermediary learning has its disadvantages, “they are more advanced since they have the chance to attend online classes without interruption.” 

In response to concerns such as this, the university has made it publicly known that they are working in collaboration with telecommunication companies so that students may “increase chances to participate in a virtual learning environment”.

But the question persists: is a virtual learning environment a conducive learning environment?

Malang adds that he attended an online class once through his phone, consuming an enormous amount of mobile data, but was ineffective because of frequent disconnection and inability to clearly comprehend the discussion, “It’s not like I am not trying to have a better connection. I have executed alternative ways I can resort to, but I am left with no choice but to wait for my classmates for the summarized discussion.”

‘Learning’ from home

“There is a hint of compassion based on the guidelines that were released, such as disallowing professors to give a failing grade, but I feel that to show genuine compassion, it must be at its fullest extent, and not just half of it,” Malang acknowledges that the university’s decision was not without its pros, but it was not without its cons either.

Among the advantages of online instruction, he notes, are that classes are resumed as per usual meaning the academic year won’t be extended, and that students can be productive and preoccupied, thus their concerns are shifted from worrying about their well-being to a variety of academic activities.

Likewise, Malang considered some of its drawbacks such as its ineffective effort towards sustainable learning since not all students consider their homes as convenient learning areas and that most especially, students become passive learners.

When being able to submit requirements online becomes central to supposed ‘online learning’, it gives the impression that the learning process is ignored. Requirements simply bypass and impede learning and online instruction becomes a half-baked substitute for quality education that all students deserve. The magnitude of learning, at this point, is of no importance.

Resilience… in this economy?

As Filipinos, we are habitually taught the virtue of resourcefulness, resilience, and diskarte or practical intelligence, and this is because the common social context for Filipinos is one of ubiquitous injustice and inequality. We are to make do with what we have instead of acknowledging the problem and compromising so that no one may have to suffer the consequences of not being privileged enough to get by with ease. 

This concern cuts through and beyond issues of connectivity. The world is at a standstill and we are constrained to be productive by virtue of online classes. A lot of students might not be in the right headspace to accomplish anything, but they aren’t given the luxury of choices.

“No student wishes to be left behind. No one wants a grade of INP either, because they will tend to overthink,” Malang remarks—the INP option becomes counterproductive because it leaves students with more apprehension at a time when personal well-being should be ahead of everything else.

Malang also shares that he has had trouble sleeping in part because of added responsibilities on top of those he already had, “One factor that contributed to my difficulty in sleeping is overthinking on ways on how to attend online classes.”

This goes to show that this is no time to compromise student welfare and turn a blind eye to their grievances. Psychological stressors are present even in the midst of our homes where we are quarantined, and they are not to be overlooked—mental health should be prioritized just as much as physical health. 

“I can’t do anything but comply with what the institution demands because I’m afraid to be left out,” Malang says. 

This is not the opportunity to challenge resilience in students, not when the health of the entire world is being jeopardized. Especially not when students are not granted with the same conveniences—no amount of sped up internet connection can make up for that. Quality education is supposed to be a right and not a privilege. When problems of connectivity and welfare arise, it really makes you wonder how it puts the onus on the student and not on the flawed education system itself.

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Online classes: Thomasians are left with no choice

While safe from the virus raging outside that is risking people’s lives, some Thomasians are silently dealing with digital-born problems within their homes.

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Artwork by Patricia Jardin

Inside the safety of their homes, shielded from the pandemic, students are focused in front of their monitors while bearing constant fear of failing to comply before the set deadlines. While safe from the virus raging outside that is risking people’s lives, some Thomasians are silently dealing with digital-born problems within their homes. 

After the release of an advisory from the University of Santo Tomas that announced the continuation of online classes lasting until the end of the second term, A.Y. 2019-2020, the Thomasian community sought compassion above all else amid the pandemic and enhanced community quarantine. After all, the University prides itself with the three Cs: commitment, competence and compassion. Scattered across the country, the Thomasian population is facing varying and immense disparity of privilege and resources. 

Absolute compliance

Surrounded in dim lights, an uncomfortable dreadful night is fast approaching as the clock continues to tick and getting closer to the deadline. It is when desperation and frustration find its way towards a slouched figure that’s struggling to reconnect with their online classes, awfully aware of time slipping between their fingers.

Jude Wyndel Poblete, a freshman from the College of Accountancy, is facing difficulties more than ever with online classes because of his current situation; living at Northern Samar, their unstable internet connection combined with multiple power interruptions are the source of his worry and frustration.  Poblete experienced firsthand the inability to comply when he failed to take his mock examination from their respective college due to unstable internet connection and power interruptions that he expressed on his Twitter account. 

When the university announced the resumption of online classes, Poblete anticipated what would happen, “I was really worried about not being able to comply with the online requirements given the fact that I’m at the province,” Poblete shared with TomasinoWeb. “We are more than eager to pass this term but due to some hindrances, we are left with no choice but to accept whatever happens.”

Overwhelming emotions

Once the clock hits the deadline, it’s game over. It’s a student’s worst nightmare—the submit button gone, any other chances disappear and the stunned silence that comes afterward is painful and unbearable. 

Poblete narrates that their college mock examination was supposed to boost the students’ confidence in taking their online classes. However, not being able to take the exam because of his current situation plummeted his motivation in studying, “It [mock examination] caused me to have mental distress and breakdown. I started crying and I had no urge to study for my upcoming exams anymore.” 

The reason for his breakdown is because of his fear of having an incomplete grade that will be a burden for upcoming semesters, “It’s hard to settle for a grade of INP, that’s why we are doing our best to comply with the requirements given by our professors but some factors are hindering us.” 

Not everyone is privileged

The University of Santo Tomas is one of the universities that is known in the country by providing its students with quality education. Moreover, it is a common fact that the Thomasian community, in every way,  is a perfect blend of unique diversity.

Poblete pointed out, “I hope that the university will consider the situation of those students who are UNPRIVILEGED,” because there are students that aren’t properly equipped for online classes. “Online classes are not suitable in our country since we have no strong and stable internet connection here,” he added. 

Further addressing the problem that he encountered, “It is really hard to study by ourselves because we could not digest what the book or PowerPoint presentation is saying without explanation from our professors.” Poblete emphasized that online classes do not give the quality education that Thomasians need.

Because of the hindrances that affect his online classes, Poblete asserted his dismay as he sympathizes with other students who are going through the same situation as him. “It also has been tough for us, knowing that all those sleepless nights and efforts we’ve exerted will be put into waste just because we are not privileged.”

No student left behind

Though Poblete is having a series of difficulties, he wanted to remind everyone to never feel sorry just because of their status by stating his sentiments towards the students who are struggling with online classes, “Let us be reminded that we can get through this. Never feel sorry for being unprivileged, let them feel sorry for themselves for being inconsiderate. No students will be left behind!” 

People did not predict that the one-week suspension of classes would eventually lead to more than a month of community quarantinethat March 9 was the last time they would see their block mates and friends. Not until the pandemic is over and declared as COVID-free nation. 

Thomasians are calling out for the university administration to reconsider their decision that is stated in its Institutional Continuity Plan. Poblete believes that ending the term is what the students need, “the issue here is not about grades anymore but the safety of the whole Thomasian community.”

Privilege is not given to everyone, the university must also consider the students who will suffer through repercussions because of the several limitations that the online classes have; lack of materials, unstable internet connection, an unhealthy situation that a student may be in and power interruptions. The students have  no choice but to cope with the situation that is full of disarray because of the pandemic; prioritizing their basic needs, their health, and also trying to meet their assigned deadlines.

Therefore, the voices of Thomasians are clear: We deserve compassion, we deserve a quality education. And most importantly, we deserve a healthy learning environment. 

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