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Ang ilaw sa gilid ng kalsada

Isang ngiti ang palaging suot ni Nanay Govelyn, handang harapin ang mga tao na bibili sa kaniyang munting tindahan. Simpleng manamit, madalas ay nakatawa, maalaga sa kaniyang mamimili si Nanay Govelyn.

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tindahan ni nanay govelyn
Kuha ni Dainish Santos/TomasinoWeb.

​Iba’t ibang paninda ang makikita sa bawat sulok ng Unibersidad.

Mapadpad ka man sa kalye ng España, Lacson, P. Noval, o Dapitan, tiyak na may makikitang iba-ibang taong naghahanap-buhay. Mula sa maliliit na puwesto hanggang sa mga naglalakihang fast food chains, sari-saring nga paninda ang bubusog sa iyong mata, at siyempre sa tiyan. Sa pagdaan ng araw-araw na sila’y ating nakakasalamuha, hindi madaling makikita ang mga mapait na kuwento sa likod ng mga ngiti ng mga tindero’t tindera.

​Tingin sa kaliwa, tingin sa kanan. Mga kotseng nagmamadaling makaalis, mga tricycle na nagsasakay ng mga pasahero. Sa isang sulok ng kalsadang napupuno ng tao at usok, madadaanan mo ang mga nakabitin o mga nakalatag na kanilang mga paninda; mula sa panali sa buhok, junk food, panyo, at maging sapatos, halos lahat ng pangangailangan mo, mapupunan dito.

Gutom? Naiinitan? Naiwanan ang payong habang umuulan? Sa kanto kung saan nagtagpo ang España at ang M.F. Jhocson, matatagpuan ​ang puwesto ng 34-anyos na si Nanay Govelyndala-dala ang sagot sa inyong mga problema. Tinapay, payong, at panali ng buhok gaya na lamang ng sanrio at mga headband—iilan lamang ang mga ito sa mga paninda niya.  

Isang ngiti ang palaging suot ni Nanay Govelyn, handang harapin ang mga tao na bibili sa kaniyang munting tindahan. Simpleng manamit, madalas ay nakatawa, maalaga sa kaniyang mamimili si Nanay Govelyn.

Isang simpleng maybahay si Nanay at mayroong siyang dalawang anak – parehong babae na kasalukuyang nag-aaral. Katuwang ang kaniyang asawa, binubuhay ni Nanay Govelyn ang kanyang mga anak sa pagtitinda.

mga paninda ni nanay govelyn

Kuha ni Dainish Santos/TomasinoWeb.

Nang tinanong ng TomasinoWeb kung paano nila nasusustentuhan ang kanilang pangangailangan, “ito, yung asawa ko, nagta-tricycle,” itinuro ni Nanay Govelyn ang 31-na-anyos na si Manong Erchie, “ako naman, nagve-vendor,” wika niya. “Kaya naman namin, onting tiis lang, ganon. Tiyaga talaga.”

Mula sa walang humpay na pagbuh​os ng ulan hanggang sa matinding sikat ng araw, hindi kailanman inisip ni Nanay Govelyn ang tumigil. Sa hirap ng buhay, tanging ang walang tigil na pagbabanat ng buto ang sagot sa kumakalam na sikmura.

Ngunit hindi lamang sa ulan, baha, at hirap ng buhay natatapos lahat ng problema ni Nanay Govelyn. Ayon sa kaniya, siya raw ay kalimitang nahuhuli ng Metropolitan Manila Development Authority, o mas kilala bilang MMDA. Hindi man sila sinasaktan ng mga ito, kinukumpiska naman ang kaniyang mga paninda at dinadala siya sa Manila City Hall. “Pupunta kami kay mayor, dun kami makikiusap,” pag-alala niya.

Gaano man kahirap ang kaniyang nararanasan, tinitiis niya ito para sa kaniyang mga anak. Bilang ina, masakit sa kaniyang kalooban na makita silang nahihirapan, nagugutom, at nasasaktan. Kaya naman gagawin niya ang lahat para lamang tunay siyang makapagbigay ng ilaw sa kanilang munting tahanan.

Si Key Althea, ang kanyang panganay, ay nasa ika-9 na baitang. Ibinida ni Nanay Govelyn ang taglay na husay ni Key sa Agham at Matematika, samantalang ang bunsong anak naman niya na si Kate Aleah ay nasa daycare pa lamang.

Katulad ng lahat, si Nanay Govelyn ay isang tao rin na may mga pangarap sa buhay, dahil minsan na niyang pinangarap ang maging guro.

imahe ni nanay govelyn

Kuha ni Dainish Santos/TomasinoWeb.

Teacher po talaga ako, kaso ‘di ko napagpatuloy,” wika niya, “isang taon nalang dapat po [para makagraduate ako].” Bali-baliktarin man ang mundo, sa kabila ng kanyang dinanas, hindi pa rin nagbabago ang kaniyang pangarap.

Ngunit, sa kabila ng pag-iba ng agos ng tadhana, masaya si Nanay Govelyn dahil sa kaniyang pagiging isang street vendor, may mga tao siyang nakilala na tumatak ang kabaitan sa kanya.

“Taga-The One siya, kape lang [lagi ang] binibili niya, anim na piraso tapos hindi na niya kinukuha yung [sukli],” kuwento ni Nanay Govelyn. “Siyempre, nakakahiya.” Sinusubukan daw niyang ibalik ang sukli ngunit hindi na raw ito tinatanggap. “Siyempre, naaalala mo, lagi-lagi talaga siyang bumibili sa akin.”

Ang panandaliang engkwentrong ito ay habang buhay tatatak kay Nanay Govelyn. Ang maliit na pagkawang-gawa, ay nagsilbing inspirasyon kay Nanay Govelyn na kahit papaano, hindi siya nag-iisa sa mga hamon ng mundo.

​“Kapit lang,” wika ni Nanay Govelyn para sa kanyang mga anak nang may ngiti. “Kapag may pagsubok na dumating sa buhay, kakayanin natin ‘to.” Bakas sa kaniyang mga mata ang pag-asa at makikita sa kanyang napakagandang ngiti ang paniniwalang malalagpasan rin nila, bilang isang pamilya, ang mga problemang kanilang kinakaharap.

​Ang lahat ng mga magulang ay may pamana sa kanilang mga anak, maaaring ito’y materyal na bagay, sikreto, tradisyon–kung ano man ang sa tingin nila ang pinakamaipagmamalaki ng kanilang mga anak. Para kay Nanay Govelyn, edukasyon lang ang kaya niyang ipamana sa kanyang mga anak. “Ay, wala akong ibang maipapamana sa mga anak ko, kundi yung patapusin ko sila sa pag-aaral,” paliwanag ni Nanay, “kasi ayokong matulad sila sa akin na ganito.”

Bilang isang inang araw-araw na nagsasakripisyo simula nang tayo’y ipinagbuntis, ang gusto lamang niya ay makitang maginhawa ang buhay ng kanyang mga anak. Hindi naghihirap, hindi napaparusahan ng mundo para sa mga kasalanang hindi naman sila ang gumawa. “Syempre, yung hirap na naranasan namin, ayaw namin na iparanas namin sa mga anak namin,” wika niya.

taong bumibili sa tindahan ni nanay govelyn

Kuha ni Dainish Santos/TomasinoWeb.

​Walang pamilyang perpekto. Ito ang katotohanang kailangan nating tanggapin. Maraming pagkukulang, problemang hindi kayang ayusin, at pangangailangang hindi kayang punan. Ang haligi ng tahanan? Paulit-ulit na nagkakamali. Ang ilaw ng tahanan? Mayroong nasasabing hindi kaaya-aya. Ang mga anak? Madalas na binabalewala ang paghihirap ng kanilang mga magulang. Ito ang katotohanan – ngunit hindi ito nangangahulugang wala nang pag-asa; na hanggang dun na lamang.

“Kaya kayong pag-aralin ng magulang niyo, huwag niyo na sayangin. Kasi ‘pag wala kang pera, ‘di ka makakapag-aral. Sana mag-aral kayo ng mabuti, kasi nagsisipag ang mga magulang niyo para sa inyo.” Isang paalala galing sa isang ina, na umaraw man o umulan, tirik man ang araw o hindi, gagawin niya ang lahat, lahat para lamang mailigtas ang kanyang mga anak sa isang kapalarang maaaring hindi nila gugustuhin. Ito ang isang ina.

Kahit paulit-ulit na nagkakamali at paulit-ulit na naghihirap, sinusubukan pa rin ng ating mga magulang na itama ang ating pagkakamali, punan ang ating mga pangangailangan, at maiahon ang pamilya sa kahirapan – dahil ang nais lamang nila ay magkaroon ng magandang kinabukasan ang kanilang mga anak.

Sa mata ng isang ina, ayos lang na sila’y mahirapan, basta ang kanilang anak ay mabuhay ng may maayos na hinaharap at matayog na pangarap. Joellene Landingin, Therese Tura

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The valedictorian molded by pressure

The path to the top of the CPA licensure examinations was surely exhausting, but Lahaira Reyes believes that all of that was part of her journey and without it, her goal would have never turned into an achievement.

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Photo by DMD Photography.

The path to the top of the CPA licensure examinations was surely exhausting, but Lahaira Reyes believes that all of that was part of her journey and without it, her goal would have never turned into an achievement.

For others, finding out that she topped the licensure exams was no surprise at all. As the valedictorian of the UST-AMV College of Accountancy Batch 2018, her family and friends were rooting for, if not expecting her, to arrive at the top. Reyes shared with TomasinoWeb the ups and downs of her journey.

Like every prospective CPA, she did everything in her power to prepare for the licensure exams.

“I think yung last sem po namin sa AMV, which is the Integrated Accounting Course (IAC), yung naging start ng preparation ko,“ she added, “kasi it is already a review of what we have studied since basic accounting, then naituloy nalang po sa review school.” As difficult as reviewing proved to be, adding to the pressure on her was the fact that she was about to take an exam that could change her life.

Time management was the hardest part for Reyes; considering the amount of topics that needed to be studied were far too many for the amount of time they had prior to the exam. Adding to that was the exhaustion from all the events following IAC: graduation, baccalaureate mass, birthdays, and other events. She couldn’t devote all her time to studying, and that was one of the many challenges that she had to face.Of course, she couldn’t just sit still and let this problem get in the way of achieving her goal, “What I did was to prioritize [sic] yung subjects na feel ko, maganda yung foundation ko ng basic knowledge then nagstart na ako sa mga bagong topics na di ko pa alam.”

Reyes was anxious over the fact that she would not be able to study all of the topics covered, especially ones that were only recently incorporated into the exam such as the Tax Reform for Acceleration and Inclusion (TRAIN) Law, but she was reassured by her review school facilitators that it was normal for them not to finish everything. “[…] namili nalang ako ng reviewers na feel ko complete na siya ng basics and may konting twists din,” she stated.

Reviewing may have been hard, but staying motivated to pursue her goals proved harder. But Reyes couldn’t lose herself, not at a time like this. She needed a reason to continue, a motivation to keep herself together—her family. “To give back to them finally kapag may work na, then yung mga taong sumusuporta sa akin, kasi sobrang nakakataba po talaga ng puso knowing [that] many people are praying for you,” she explained, “kahit nakakapressure, nakakamotivate din po.”

Despite feeling unprepared and inadequate, Reyes knew she had to pull herself together, and found strength in those closest to her.

“Everytime na I open up to someone, lagi nilang sinasabi na sana wag ako madown kasi sila nga naniniwala sa akin na kaya ko so sana daw I also learn to believe in myself.”

Not only did she have her family to cheer her on, but her batchmates believed in what she could do and achieve. Why would she let herself be pulled down by her stress, if the people around her kept pulling her up? “Yung moral support talaga from the people yung nakakapagpush na magcontinue.”

And there it was, she was ready, even though in the back of her mind she had her fears and worries, she knew her family had her back. “After nung first exam, kinabahan talaga ako. Kasi ang daming erroneous questions so yung confidence naming examinees parang bumaba kasi hindi namin alam if hindi ba talaga namin makuha yung answers or mali lang talaga yung questions.” The anxiousness was there, and only intensified with each passing day getting closer to the examination results.

“First time ko super kabahan sa kung ano mang result kasi siguro this will really make a big difference in my life.” She couldn’t focus on other things, her mind kept thinking back to how well or how badly she did on the licensure exams. “I was studying for an international certification exam that I will take the next day while waiting for the results,” she explained, “But honestly, hindi din naman ako makafocus dun sa inaaral ko.” Her mind went from the best-case scenarios, to the worst ones, going from each one of them as she let the hours and days pass by, waiting for the results.

Reyes shared that she had waited from 7 PM to 12 AM waiting for the call from parents to hear about the results, hearing the clock tick from time to time. It seemed endless—the waiting and the overthinking. Then suddenly, the phone call that would change her life finally came. “I just can’t believe it, I screamed sa dorm out of happiness and excitement,” she exclaimed, “then after minutes, nagcall na yung mama ko then yung ibang members of my family, my friends to congratulate me.” At long last, all the anxiousness and fears in the back of her head vanished, as though her heart was released from being squeezed tightly.

The destination is usually the only thing seen by others, rather than the whole journey. Behind Reyes and her success, there were people who helped her achieve her goal and made her who she is today. “First, I want to thank my parents and my whole family for their endless support,” she listed, “then my professors sa AMV kasi kahit pinahirapan nila kami nung undergrad, it is all worth it naman.”

She also wanted to thank her facilitators in Review School of Accountancy (ReSA), “kasi they really helped me na mabawasan yung pressure, madagdagan yung confidence, and sa review talaga academically.” And finally, to her batchmates, for believing and cheering her on. She never saw them doubt her even once

“And of course, to put Lord for blessing me with all that I have today and for guiding me na makarating ako dito.” Thanks to them, all of them, Lahaira turned her dreams and goals, into an achievement—a reality.

But this doesn’t mean that Lahaira’s journey is coming to an end. Reaching her destination just serves as another starting line, the start of another journey. “I think the most important lesson I learned is to keep on going on, na failure will really be inevitable in our lives and we will have our own ups and downs,” she expressed, “Rejoice and pray when we receive something good. Cry, pray, then get up again when we fall down.” This is a lesson worth sharing, a lesson that she thinks everyone deserves to know, “Wag sana nating hayaan na ibaba pa tayo lalo ng failures and mistakes natin.”

After everything else, Reyes remains humble and keeps her faith in God, strong and undisturbed. Ups and downs are unavoidable—in fact, this is what makes up a journey. Being at the top doesn’t make her invincible, it just makes her a normal student, one who fights to reach her goal, who doesn’t let anything get in her way, but instead, motivates herself to continue and get up every time she falls down.

“Let us pray for the courage and strength to face each day, try again everyday hanggang sa marating na natin yung goals natin.”

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Akin Ako: How Teatro Tomasino offered new narratives for queer people through Singhap

For their 41st season, Teatro Tomasino showed Singhap: a three-play production that narrates the journey of finding one’s identity, of coming out in the open, and of being brave amidst terrible mishaps.

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Photo by Karch Te

Love is love, no matter what.

In times of destitution, we find ourselves gasping for air. It’s as if after a long period of isolation, after being silenced by an angry crowd with a thousand mean voices, do we find the need to sigh and finally say enough is enough.

Love is love, no matter what.

For their 41st season, Teatro Tomasino showed Singhap: a three-play production that narrates the journey of finding one’s identity, of coming out in the open, and of being brave amidst terrible mishaps.
This year they focused on self-realization and individuality as they plead for equality in a world that lacked acceptance, dedicating the production to the ones who are “quiet, remained quiet, silenced, and erased.”

Esprit de Corps (written by Auraeus Solito and directed by Ingrid Villamarin) tells the story of Sergeant Sarmiento, an aspirant to a position currently held by S3 Favila in his school’s CAT. It showed how abuse can happen anywhere and how it can become systematic and a norm. It is a sharp narrative encouraging victims to come out and cast their doubts, and fight back.

A.Y.L.I. (written by Cheska Marfori and directed by Iris Montesclaros), on the other hand, narrates the story of old friends who decided to meet-up one day to check on each other. As they began to dig up the past, revelations were unsealed by shouldn’t-have-beens. It is a subtle take on friendships and uncertainty–of sentences held back, of wars going on at the back of the throat, on banging heartbeats.

Lastly, Kublihan (written by Jerome Ignacio and directed by Eudes Garcia) is a story of childhood friends who met again after a long time. It is a narrative of coming-of-age and self-realization, teenage angst and the burden of unreachable expectations. It conveys something that only action could decipher because words are awkward and the message can never be articulated.

Singhap is not just a mere production or an introduction to a new season; it is an advocacy. It is offering new narratives for people who lived their lives in the shade, for those who are kept silent, in order to bring about a voice for the voiceless.

“[Ang produksyon na ito] ay para sa tahimik, pinatahimik, binura, nananahimik.. [at] gustong kumawala,” said Eudes Garcia, director. He then went further to acknowledge the strength in deciding to love despite the hate and the importance of knowing oneself.

Singhap is a bicker of hope–a rainbow after a storm; it is a light that gets you out of a cave, a fire that keeps your passion burning, and a shoulder to cry on. It is through these narratives that fear is cut loose in order to give way for wider acceptance. It is through these stories that people can finally feel included.

So that, eventually, people can say: Love is love, no matter what.

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The war against your own demons: the Thomasian MedTech boards topnotcher who prevailed against his own self

After almost losing himself in his perilous journey towards the MedTech boards, Lorenz Barro prevailed against all odds–and emerged to the top.

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Image from Lorenz Barro.

“Mami, number 1 po ako,” her tears came rushing down as we hugged each other tightly. At that moment, nothing else mattered as we sat there and I listened to her cry so much.

Lorenz Barro’s achievement in the recent Medical Technology Licensure Examinations surprised the whole University, after he led the roster with a 92.10 mark; making him this year’s topnotcher. While his triumph was widely celebrated by the whole Thomasian community, Lorenz sat down with TomasinoWeb to share the moments leading up to his victory.

“Even after days since the results, it still feels very unreal. As a very shy person, the sudden surge of attention is really shocking for me. It created this mixture of emotions: happiness, excitement, fear, etc. The fear mostly stems from the uncertainty of how much this major accomplishment will impact my life and what paths will open up,” shared Barro days after the results of the board exams were released.

The days of pacing back and forth in his room in anticipation and constantly being reminded by the motivational quote that says, ’Aim for Number One’, were over for Barro; after all, he is now the number one. But beneath this achievement, he shared that it was never an easy journey to get to where he is now.

“I had no intention of going to Med school and that gave me almost four months of study time. The first month went so well.  I made sure to dedicate myself to one subject each week. I listed and bought a lot of books and taped notes of lessons I kept forgetting on my wall. I had a plan that I followed diligently. I felt unstoppable, being able to finish whole subjects and even thick books in a short amount of time, including the reviewers given to us. However, burnout happened.”

Barro mentioned that he was enrolled in two review centers and finished neither of it. The pressure and the thought of not being able to live up to the expectations that were set for him started to get in his brain. Constant over-thinking that resulted to sleepless nights and this not only affected him intrapersonally, but interpersonally as well.

“That was the turning point where I went home to Batangas and started reflecting on what truly mattered most. I decided on self-review. I dedicated a long time finding myself again, taking it easy with walks to the park, video games, and deep conversations with various people. I felt so fortunate having supportive family and friends. We were able to find another psychiatrist nearby. All of these people saved me from self-destruction.”

This life-changing decision rebooted the preparation of Barro for the better and come September. He was regenerated and ready to face his greatest challenge yet. Weeks before the board exams, he had his game face on and a planner to help him keep track of his accomplishments.

“I made sure to also put time for rest. I felt unstoppable again, but this time not because of the pressure, but because I was surrounded by love and the constant reassurance that no matter what happens, I was loved.”

Leading the board exam was a passing thought for Barro. At times when he would dream that perhaps he can be the topnotcher, something inside him would tell him that there might be other people who really worked hard for the test. Despite of this thought, the perseverance that Barro exhibited is commendable— and that is the reason why Barro is truly the crème de la crème of the board.

“During that evening waiting for the results, I kept walking back and forth in anticipation. The days prior to the expected release of results I was actually very calm. I wasn’t fearful because I was confident that I did well enough to pass. However, as soon as the big day came and I saw someone post the link of the PRC website, my anxiety levels went straight up,” said Barro.

This anxiety almost made him not see the results of the board but the messages of salutations made him curious; lifting the serotonin out of his system, “I was alone in my room when I immediately opened the PRC website. At that moment I saw my name on the list of passers. However, my body was still shaking because I then saw that there was a separate link for the list of topnotchers. I was still hoping that MAYBE I could at least barely make it to the list. As soon as I clicked it and saw my name on the top of the list, I was hit by this wave of pure shock as I stared at my laptop screen,” he said.

But unlike other heart-melting triumph story, Barro gave TomasinoWeb the privilege to relive the exact moment when his mother found out the results.

“I quickly went outside to my mom. She hasn’t refreshed the PRC site on her own laptop yet. When I came up to her and she excitedly asked if I passed, I just nodded and silently gestured her to come to my room. I was too stunned to speak. I could see it in her eyes that she knew something was up.”

“It was the first time she saw me so speechless. As soon as I showed my laptop screen and said, “Mami, number 1 po ako,” her tears came rushing down as we hugged each other tightly. At that moment nothing else mattered as we sat there and I listened to her cry so much. I saw that more and more people started to congratulate me on FB. My mom started making calls: waking up my sister, calling my dad, my grandparents, close friends, etc. It was such a bizarre experience.”

Looking back, Barro has exemplified his belief that any task, no matter how miniscule, should be done well and passionately, “I am usually a lazy, laid-back person (my family can confirm this), but the moment something sparks my interest, I become this different person who goes all out to achieve something,” he said.

Barro’s story is a proof that achievements are made slowly; they don’t happen in a blink of an eye nor in a day’s work. Yes, there would be ups and downs along the way and yes, life may get us down, but as long as we persevere towards it we gradually make the impossible, its antipode.

“Love yourself and have confidence in your abilities. We tend to become our own worst enemy and this self-doubt hinders us from becoming the best version of ourselves. Never compare yourself with the achievements of others. You are you and you create your own story,” says Barro to his fellow thomasians.

“Pursue your passions. Always remind yourself why you do what you are doing each day. Examine what drives you, what keeps that flame inside you burning despite the challenges that try to blow it away,” he further added, “Don’t just merely illuminate, but rather, ignite.”

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