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How to not get ghosted

There’s no better feeling in the world than finding a special connection with another person. But it’s as gut-wrenchingly difficult when that connection seemingly vanishes without a trace, often without warning.

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(Artwork by Patricia Jardin/TomasinoWeb)

There’s no better feeling in the world than finding a special connection with another person. But it’s as gut-wrenchingly difficult when that connection seemingly vanishes without a trace, often without warning.

As much as the internet makes it easier for people to build relationships with one another, it also continues to make ending these relationships much more abrupt. While you can find someone to chat in an instant, these people can disappear just as fast. This often leaves us in a place of confusion, sadness, and at times, self-loathing. One of the causes why relationships end early is because of this term we call, “ghosting”.

Why do we get ghosted? Is it something we said? Maybe something we did? These are often the questions that echo our thoughts when what’s a seemingly healthy and lively conversation turns into an exchange as dry as a desert. Whether it’s waning interest or simply the loss of a spark, here are some tips you can use to avoid serial ghosters and keep yourself from getting ghosted.

1. Do a vibe check

This is probably the first thing you do when you first decide to either chat someone or read someone’s first message. That said, once the first exchange has happened it’s time to give that profile a second look. Does the vibe check out? If it doesn’t then it’s likely a cause for concern. Now the profile and the first few exchanges can only say so much and it’s also possible to be completely wrong about the first impression.

If the person you’re talking to already makes you raise an eyebrow from the get-go, then it’s fair to assume that the person could possibly ghost you. If not, just be terribly inconsistent.

2. Get feedback

They say hindsight is 20-20 so if you’re aware of the person’s friends, then it’s probably a good idea to ask around and see if the person’s stories add up accurately. Though it won’t be necessary for every person you’ll talk to, it’s a good step to take before you decide to get a little more attached.

It’s also worth noting that friends are better to consult with than past romantic interests. Not only will it make you look too nosy or even desperate, but you’re also likely to get inaccurate details as some old emotions can influence their sentiments.

3. Stop, look, and listen

Sometimes the answers you seek are just hidden in plain sight. If you’re starting to feel a certain way for the person you’re talking to, it’s a good idea to take a moment and observe how the conversation has been going. Check to see what habits they have while you’re conversing, specifically how timely they respond or how often they seem to be busy.

It’s also worth noticing how they seem to be handling conversations regarding plans. Do they seem elusive to make plans or are they open or even welcoming with the idea? These are indicators of how likely they are to stick around or just disappear.

4. Level your expectations

While it’s important to be cautious about who you interact with, it’s equally as important to keep yourself in check as well. There’s nothing more repulsing to a potential friend or partner than having to meet expectations that they were never really aware of. Try to keep things as relaxed as possible, making sure to be careful but not too paranoid.

Setting the appropriate amount of expectations can help ease any unnecessary tension, which may or may not be a reason for one to simply consider ghosting. With reasonable expectations, you’ll less likely feel disappointed when it doesn’t work out.

5. Check the label!

Just like any carton of milk, it’s worth checking the label of your own relationships to make sure that you’re aware of what it is or what it’s not. Despite being a tip that should apply to all relationships in all phases, this is mainly for those considering an even deeper relationship than what they have now.

Though a label is not the end-all-be-all, it can certainly be indicative of a relationship that’s headed to somewhere serious or a relationship headed straight to the chat archives.

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6. Don’t be demanding, but don’t be generous

Similar to the previous tips, this essentially involves regulating yourself and your behavior around the person you’re communicating with. This time, it’s about making sure that you’re neither too lenient nor too demanding.

Allowing the person enough time to get comfortable and be themselves is an excellent way to get to know them, but it should not come to a point where they are taking you for granted. Being too “easy” or too overbearing and difficult can both be reasons for one to lose interest and ultimately leave or ghost you in the end.

7. Be curious, but not nosy

There’s no bigger turn-off than someone who just can’t keep their nose out of your business. That being said, asking about a person is good when it’s thoughtfully sprinkled around a conversation.

If you find yourself enjoying a conversation and then suddenly getting ghosted, it might be a good idea to ask yourself if you were able to learn about the person you’re talking to. Always remember that people like to talk about themselves or what they’re into as long as it’s not like you’re trying to interrogate them.

8. It’s a conversation, not a monologue

One big reason why people ghost is because they simply lose interest in a person. With the nature of the internet, it’s pretty easy to find something that’ll peak your interest at an instant, which includes potential dates or friends. Try to spice up the conversation by asking neutral questions or suggesting things to do rather than the usual back and forth.

If they agree and go along, then you might just find something new together which can strengthen your bond. If they shrug it off and just let the gap widen further, then you probably know where it’s heading and it won’t be worth your while.

9. Offer something different to the conversation

Jumping off from the last point, it’s very easy to get carried away when someone is interested in getting to know you. However, this doesn’t mean that you should just keep rambling on and on about your life like the person you’re with is trying to write your autobiography.

Instead, always keep your stories as brief as possible, giving them the opportunity to either ask more questions if they’re interested or simply move on if they’re not. It will give you the mystique that will leave them curious and always wanting more.

10. Spend some time apart

As counter-intuitive as this sounds, distance and time apart can really make a difference in keeping the interest in a relationship. It’s like your favorite snack: you always love having it at arm’s reach whenever you want, but if you have it for all your meals in a day, you’re bound to get tired of it.

Giving each other quality time apart can renew interest by allowing each other to find new and interesting things on your own and then bringing it back and talking about them later on. That said, if the person you’re talking to seems to be getting too fond of distance, you probably have an unfriendly Casper on your hands.

Ghosting can be pretty tough especially when you feel like you’ve established something good with whoever you’re with. Their sudden disappearance can be difficult to swallow knowing the connection you’ve felt towards them at the start.

If you do get ghosted, realize that it’s your gain to have lost these relationships now than later on. The cliche of “once a door closes behind you, another one opens ahead” may be tiresome to hear, but you truly can move forward once you completely leave your past behind.

Each time you lose a relationship you’ve built, you recognize the good things you’ve established and improve on that for the next relationship you’ll have.

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Thomasian musicians to add to your playlist

With all the new takes on OPM, let’s not forget about our fellow Thomasians who are persevering to let their craft be known in the mainstream media. Support local, support Thomasian artists.

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The rise of Spotify, Apple Music, SoundCloud, and other music-streaming platforms paved the way for more artists to share their craft with a broader audience. It is now easier to promote your material through social media, while people can seamlessly listen to your music through different audio platforms on-demand without splurging too much cash. A basic subscription plan lets anyone stream all the music they want and play your songs on repeat. With this boom in the music industry through technological advancements, artists are inspired, now more than ever, to produce more music and give sick beats to avid listeners.

Here is a shortlist of Thomasian musicians you can stream on your music platforms.

1. Al James

(Photo courtesy of Jilson Tiu)

Before he was front and center in most gigs and before his music was blasted through the speakers of bars, Alvin James Manlutac, famously known as Al James, also sat in the rooms of Beato as a student under the College of Fine Arts and Design. In launching his first hit, he also doubted himself because he knew his style did not follow hip-hop norms. But fast-forward to today, his crafts are among the most famous songs played in the nightlife scene, as well as in casual get-togethers with your friends.

Manlutac permeated the fine line between underground and mainstream when he released his song ‘Pahinga,’ gaining more than 7.3 million views since its release three years ago.

Screengrab from Presko Life PH

2. Migo Señires

(Photo from DBTK)

Like Al James, Migo Señires also spent his college days in Beato, studying Advertising Arts in the College of Fine Arts and Design. They are both a part of the Baryo Berde crew, a multi-talent collective that fixates on culture and art. 

Señires released his song, Kara,which garnered more than 141,000 views since it was posted on his channel. He claims that he wrote it for the younger people who forgot their roots and the older ones who get frustrated when they can’t keep up with modern times. 

3. Schumi

(Screengrab from YouTube/Schumi)

When he is not walking around the halls of Ruaño, he may be singing center stage. Albert Guallar, famously known as Schumi, has been catching ears in the local hip-hop scene. He first started producing music and uploading it to SoundCloud, which then garnered the attention of people who had an interest in hip-hop. In an interview with TomasinoWeb, he said that his Schumi persona — writing music and such, is his gateway to express his emotions. It was an effective venue to vent out feelings of heartbreak and sadness, which, in this instance, was his breakup with his girlfriend. 

Schumi’s hit song ‘Bakit Why Not’ talks about breaking norms and protesting against some stereotypes like gender roles. Its music video has amassed more than 10 thousand views within two months of its release.

 

 

4. Himig Borhuh

(Photo from Himig Borhuh’s official Soundcloud)

From walking around the halls of the Albertus Magnus to being in the spotlight of #USTPaskuhan, Himig Austin Borja, a Music Technology student from the Conservatory of Music, has been making a name for himself. In an interview with UST Tiger TV, he said that he didn’t really envision himself to major in music since he was inclined to sports and was a basketball varsity player during his high school years. He also did not expect his hit song, ‘Watawat,’ to become well-known and was surprised that lines from his song became widespread after its release.

Himig Borja’s ‘Watawat,’ featuring Schumi, was a song that garnered attention during the last UAAP season. The line ‘ang medalya at korona ibalik na sa España,’ reflected the community’s yearning to secure another championship and showed the support Thomasians have for all our sports teams as well as the pride we have for our school. 

5.  Adrian Aggabao

(Photo from Adrian Aggabao’s official Instagram account)

Adrian Aggabao, popularly known as ‘Don Bao,’ is a Raymund’s local from the College of Commerce and Business Administration. Like Schumi, his music career also began when he started publishing his music on SoundCloud. Since then, he has secured multiple gigs during his downtime. Most of his music speaks about social realities and what’s nice about it is that he has his family as his inspiration. 

Don Bao’s song ‘Pasanin’ emphasizes on the lessons that a life filled with struggles and obstacles brings. Having dropped this first video on his Youtube channel about a year ago, it has garnered more than 2.3 thousand views. 

6. BarbaCola

(Photo from BarbaCola’s official Facebook page)

From UST Musikat’s band pool, the band BarbaCola was formed with Renz Jerique from the Faculty of Arts and Letters on vocals, Raja Rayas from the College of Education on bass, Cedrick Santa Cruz from the Faculty of Engineering on lead guitar, and Raemonn Petr on drums.

BarbaCola’s song ‘Senseless’ runs along with the themes of alternative and indie genres, mainly focusing on the ups and downs of love and how it is a war that one might not survive.

7. VFade

(Photo from Patrick Valentine Cabanayan’s official Facebook account)

Patrick Valentine Cabanayan, more commonly known as VFade, hails from the College of Science under the Department of Mathematics. In an interview with UST Tiger TV, he stated that his interest in music developed when he was in Senior High School, specifically during an apprenticeship under the Music, Arts, and Design track. He tried out music production and also ventured into rapping. 

His song ‘Andito Lang Ako’ expresses love and affection for a significant other. The song itself embodies the wide array of emotions one might feel when in love and how some minute details in the world seem brighter in the presence of strong feelings of attraction.

8. OMEN, Carty and Ballen

(Screengrab from YouTube/OnlyOneOmen)

All coming from the same Advertising Arts class in the College of Fine Arts and Design, third year students OMEN (Ron Flores), Carty (Zack Garcia), and Ballen (Allen Agulay) recently made their brainchild available to the public. The trio, who consider themselves brothers from another mother, has collaborated to release a new song entitled ‘Karma Comeback.’

As a collective, they claim that they made the song ‘Karma Comeback’ for fun since quarantine made it hard for them to bond and share their sentiments. By collaborating, they delved into their passion, music, art, and dumb sh*t, as they say.

Thomasians have always been present in every field, more prominently in the music industry. Their growth as artists and musicians will be exponential if we continue to support them and their work. With all the new takes on OPM, let’s not forget about our fellow Thomasians who are persevering to let their craft be known in the mainstream media. Support local, support Thomasian artists. 

 

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How to apply clown makeup

Did you know that circus clowns make $60,000 a year while you’re out here doing it for free?

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(Artwork by Patricia Jardin/TomasinoWeb)

When Miles Edgeworth said, “You are not the clown. You are the entire circus,” I felt that.

Did you know that circus clowns make $60,000 a year while you’re out here doing it for free? It’s the first day of April and what better way to commemorate this annual holiday than putting on your best clown makeup! From McDonalds to your local emoji, we’re here to help you channel that inner Boo Boo the Fool in you. 

First, make sure your skin is prepped nice and clean. Bold assumptions and hasty generalizations usually make a good base. These tend to last longer because you refuse to take them off. You can use your two fingers, a sponge, or your foolish thoughts to apply it evenly. 

Now it’s time to build on those assumptions and paint your canvas. Start off by carving out spaces on your eyes and mouth where you will be applying the colors. Depending on your preference, you can choose to paint the eye with the same color or two different colors. When deciding which color, be quick and impulsive. Then, remember to paint it with inconsistency just like your thoughts and words. 

The cheeks and mouth will be red. Luckily, there are a variety of rouge shades in clown makeup. We recommend using the palette “Red Flags,” which you can get for free when you use the code “NOLABELS” or “CAN’TCOMMIT” at checkout. Color in your cheeks with a soft red color, perhaps in the shade “Here for a good time, not a long time” or “Only talk about themselves but never ask about you.” Don’t spend so much time blending because the key here is completely ignoring it.

The mouth is the highlight of clown makeup. Our tip is to overline your lips to the degree you overthink. You can then go ahead and color it in, but this time with a more intense shade of red. The shades “Entitled,” “Manipulative,” and “Caught cheating in 4K” are the most tolerated in the clown community. 

Accentuate the details of your look by making outlines around your eyes and mouth. Again, depending on the look you’re going for, you can make the outline as thin as your chances with that person you’re simping over or as thick as your audacity to get back with your ex after getting off a 3-hour phone call with your best friend who clearly told you not to. 

Of course, we can’t forget about the cherry on top and the crowning glory of clowns: the wig. There’s a wide variety of colors you can choose from but select a wig that will fit your head and perfectly cover up all your tomfoolery, bamboozlement, and wishful thinking. 

If you have cash to spare, throw in a costume and some oversized shoes that will help you jump into conclusions better. Don’t forget to pop on a red nose and voilà! The circus is complete. 

The art of clownery is one that is hard to master, yet the community keeps growing. And that speaks volumes. Clowning isn’t just a coping mechanism, it’s a cultural reset, a lifestyle, a reason to breathe, and an escape from this cruel world. 

Most importantly, it’s harmless because the only person you’re fooling is yourself. Happy April Fools‘!

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